sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
