one word: firstdatebathroomanal
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Text me some of your sweat
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