On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
