fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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