She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
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