i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
