I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Randomize
