How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize