Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
