Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
