You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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