some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize