I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
