It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
