a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
