I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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