my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
