next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
