I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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