I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
