Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
