i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
This is classic penis vs brain.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
