i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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