I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
