It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
