if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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