remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
