u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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