My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
