And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
a search helicopter?!
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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