I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
