Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
