We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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