Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
