I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
PANTIES FOUND
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