I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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