dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
