I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
