she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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