I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
