in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
