Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Swine flu is the new snow day.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
