Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
