finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Randomize
