So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
This is classic penis vs brain.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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