I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
