I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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