my mouth tastes like poor choices
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize