I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
