My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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