why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
