the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
