Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
