Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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