I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
So many bounce houses so little time
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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