just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
