Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Randomize
