so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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