This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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