I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Randomize
