watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
