Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Never joke about your clitoris.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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