I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I would fuck him just for his dog
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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