Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
we're so committed to being not committed
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
