Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
