let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
