Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Randomize
