I love black thongs
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Randomize
