I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
