That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
