i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
